If I were to teach myself THINGS, where would I start?

I'm not good at maths or physics or chemistry or accounting or anything that has to do with applying principles of this or that. I am in my 40s, a working mom and I am struggling at everything. The TV and good novels always gets in the way. By TV I mean any shows even the commercial. I am basically a couch potato. Its a good thing I don't have a good couch to make me sit all day long and be absolutely useless. Its also a good thing that the TV didn't come with a good couch.

I have 3 kids (at least my house don't look like those houses in the Niecy Nash Clean House : Search For The Messiest House In The Country, not even half of it!) and I think I have them under control so actually they're not the real problem here. And a cat. He is also not much of a problem since he sleeps almost most of the day and takes a run after girls and mice at night. As for my husband he's just never around during the day (chasing the immobile holes in one!) and he says no to most of my suggestions so I'll just do my things out of his way. He'll never notice a thing. So that just leaves me and my inconsistent self.

So, if I were to start today, to learn, be good at everything and finally be able to teach the people around me, where would I start?

1. I want to be good at Maths.
2. I want to learn Arabic, Chinese (there are 1.6 billion Chinese in the world, worth it!) Japanese, Korean, Hindi and French.
3. I want to sew but not to be a tailor.
4. I want to be fit without paying anything to anyone.
5. I want my kids to become doctors.
6. I want to save money
7. I want voluntary respect from my husband and his friends.
8. I want my cat to be fat.
9. I want a nice and workable kitchen and sewing room.
10. I want to write books.

Today I'll start by learning how to be punctual so that maybe I can achieve all my ambitions. Maybe in a couple of days if I can remind myself to look at my blog, I'll work on my inconsistency issues.